Home Improvement Cullen Style
by hellopants
Summary: This is what My-Bella and myself think would happen if The beloved Cullen's had to go to a home improvement store. Oh for the love of a toilet! what will we do with our dear sweet Emmett.
1. Chapter 1 Mad Scientist

**DISCLAIMER:** We don't own them … just Cliff and he's not worth much!

**Mad Scientist**

Emmett had finally gotten his hands on one. He was being very careful to block Edward, and to hold off on his decision so Alice wouldn't catch him either. They'd just try to talk him out of it. Emmett knew they could be real wet-ends sometimes … Like when Alice had told on him, getting Rose to remove all his outfits before he had left for Vegas with his brothers.

But today! Today was Emmett's day! He was going to get to complete his little experiment. The human boys had been talking about it for days and Emmett couldn't take the suspense anymore. He had to see if this really worked the way they said it did.

He struck the match alight with his thumb and lit the fuse on the end of the bright red M-80 in his hand. He tossed it into the toilet and waited for the fun to begin.

There was a loud pop, followed by the sound of shattering porcelain and rushing water. Emmett looked down to see a puddle of water forming and heading for his feet.

"Oh, crap! Rosie's going to kill me!" Emmett muttered. He grabbed a towel and threw it onto the floor, trying to wipe up the water. His sister, Alice, came bursting into the room, laughing.

"You are in so much trouble," she sang.

"Shut up, you little pixie. I need help," Emmett fussed.

"I can't provide you the help you need," she said, laughing all over again.

"What have we here?" his brother, Edward, asked, strolling into the room with his human girlfriend, Bella. The smug look on Edward's face told Emmett that his brother already knew what had happened.

"If you guys aren't going to help me clean up the water, you can leave," Emmett muttered.

"Two things," Edward chuckled. "First of all, that's Rose's favorite towel you're using to wipe up toilet water. Secondly, turn the valve off on side of the toilet to stop the water from leaking out of the bathroom."

"Rose is going to _kill_ you," Bella said.

Emmett rolled his eyes at his soon-to-be little sister. Couldn't she tell him something he didn't know already?

"What was that noise?" Esme asked, walking into the room.

Emmett groaned as he worked to turn the knob off.

"Emmett McCarty Cullen! What have you done?" Esme roared.

"Well, mom, it's like this … I was trying a science experiment for school and it backfired and I broke the toilet," he explained.

"Which of your teachers would be silly enough to assign you an experiment that could destroy a toilet?" Esme questioned.

"Professor Emmett," Edward said under his breath. Alice giggled behind her hand.

"What do you two know about this?" Esme asked, turning on them.

"Emmett overheard some human boys talking about tossing firecrackers into toilets and he decided to try it," Alice said.

"And why didn't you two stop him?" Esme questioned.

"He blocked us," they said together. Darn snitching siblings … Emmett would get them back for this.

Esme turned and look at Emmett and the broken toilet. "I suppose I'll have to make a trip to the home improvement store."

"Take me!" Alice cried, bouncing up and down. "Oh, please take me, Esme! Carlisle's still in surgery and won't be home until really late tonight."

"Alice, dear, I appreciate the help, but I think this would be an excellent opportunity to spend some time with Bella. And Edward, dear, you could use the time to hunt."

"I'd love to go with you, Esme," Bella said, smiling happily.

"And I could use a hunt," Edward agreed. "Are you sure, Bella?" he asked her, staring at her.

"Positive! It'll be fun," Bella replied. Edward gave her a long kiss. Emmett felt it was enough to make a vampire nauseous.

"I'll be back before you know it," Edward told her. And then he was gone, flying out of the house.

"Please let me come!" Alice begged. "I can help you so much! I can let you know if the toilet you're thinking of getting will work!"

"Jasper," Esme called.

Jasper appeared in the room, restraining Alice.

Esme gently grabbed Bella's arm and led her from the room.

Alice thrashed against Jasper for a moment, then went still. She was having another of her little visions. She opened her eyes and smiled in a scary way.

"I'm not going anywhere, Jazzy. You can let me go," Alice said.

Jasper let her go. She whipped out her phone and made a call to someone, talking too low for Jasper and Emmett to hear. Emmett looked up at Jasper for some clue as to what was going on, but Jasper only shrugged his shoulders.

"Do I even want to know what happened in here?" Jasper asked.

"Me. M-80. Toilet," Emmett muttered.

"That explains it!" Jasper laughed.

**This was written by My-Bella as well as Hellopants. We had a group effort and hope you like it a lot! Reviews are always appreciated. Lots of love from my-Bella and myself!**


	2. Chapter 2 Oh My!

**DISCLAIMER:** We don't own them … just Cliff and he's not worth much!

**Toilets, Fridges, and Stoves – Oh, my!**

"Blah, blah, blah!" Cliff muttered as he slammed the door of his truck. He and his wife had gotten into an argument over a football game and a still broken microwave just before he'd left for work.

Cliff hoped his bad day wouldn't get any worse. He was feeling slightly dazed as he punched the time clock at his job in the home improvement store. Cliff walked into the security room, glancing briefly at all of the monitors. He sunk down low into the swivel chair and propped his feet up on the old metal desk.

Someone banged on the big metal door. Cliff groaned as he stood up. He'd just gotten comfortable. A pimply faced teenager holding a pizza box greeted him.

"I didn't order any pizza and I'm not paying for that one," Cliff said gruffly.

"It's already paid for. I was just told to deliver it to Cliff. As long as you're Cliff, I don't care what you do with the thing," the delivery boy said.

Cliff _was_ feeling pretty hungry. He shrugged and took the box from the kid. He got himself comfortable in his share again and flipped open the lid of the pizza box. It was mushroom … his favorite! Cliff grabbed a slice and happily munched on the pizza, occasionally glancing at the monitors. Nothing ever happened in this store. This was one of the most boring jobs he'd ever had.

He put the pizza aside and sat up straight in his chair. Cliff figured he should at least watch the monitors for a little bit. After a few minutes, he started yawning. He put his arms on the desk and rested his chin on his arms. Cliff yawned a few more times before falling asleep. He immediately fell into a nice dream about his wife dressed in some silky lingerie.

Just as Cliff started to really enjoy his little fantasy, his wife became very angry in the dream and started throwing things at him. Cliff jerked awake, looking all around him. He shook his head and sighed deeply. He hated fighting with his wife. He thought about calling to apologize to her for the argument they'd had.

But as he contemplated an apology, his eyes were drawn to one of the store monitors. There was a beautiful woman with caramel colored hair standing in an aisle. She appeared to be shopping with her daughter, although the woman looked way too young to be a teenager's mother. The poor young girl with the brown hair was being forced to sit on all of the toilets that were on display.

Cliff chuckled to himself, glad to see he wasn't the only one having a bad day. As he continued to watch the mother and daughter – he decided it was easier to assume than anything else – he noticed a pixie-like girl with black hair bounce right up to them. They seem to know each other.

The three ladies seemed to be having a heated argument. Cliff turned up the volume for that particular screen so that he could find out what they were so upset about.

"We should get low-flow," the brown haired girl said. "Edward is always talking about finite resources."

"We should do what _we_ want and not what _Edward_ wants," the black haired one shot back.

"You're only saying that because the hot pink model only comes in hi-flow," the brunette argued.

"Girls," the woman with the caramel colored hair said. Cliff thought she had a really soft and motherly voice. He figured she had to be the mother of the two girls.

"If we are going to be on this planet for an eternity, we should balance out style and our concern for the environment. We are getting a low-flow toilet," the woman said.

Cliff stuck a finger in his ear and wiggled it around. He had to have misheard the woman. People didn't live forever.

He watches as the woman and the black haired girl argue somewhere, but there lips are moving to fast to follow and he can no longer hear them. The woman and the black haired girl hugged, obviously reaching some sort of agreement, and then headed over to the kitchen displays. The brunette girl was left behind, sitting on a toilet.

Cliff turned on the sound for the kitchen display area. He was suddenly very interested in finding out more about these women.

"Ooh! Esme, look at the stainless steel stove," the pixie cooed.

"Alice, dear, I don't think we need a new stove," the woman replied.

Cliff was pleased to have names to put with their faces.

Esme and Alice moved on to the refrigerators, opening the doors and checking out the sliding trays inside of them.

Alice pulled out a cell phone. "Emmett. It's me, Alice. Bring your Jeep. Esme and I found a few extra things for the house."

Fifteen minutes later, Alice and Esme were still looking over refrigerators. They seemed to have finally agreed on a large stainless steel model with a television built into it.

A big, burly man with huge muscles walked over to the ladies. "Which one did you decide on, mom?"

"Hello, Emmett, dear," Esme greeted the muscular man. Cliff chuckled. He guessed Emmett was as good of a name as any for so big of a guy.

"We want that one, Em," Alice chirped. "It's got a TV!"

The Emmett guy leaned down and lifted the refrigerator with one hand. Cliff's fists flew to his eyes, rubbing hard. He had to have been seeing things! No one could lift that much weight alone, much less one handed. Cliff slowly lowered his hands, but it didn't help. Now the Emmett guy had a fridge in one hand and a stove in the other!

Just then, a blonde haired model showed up and smacked the burly guy in the back of his head. Emmett dropped the stove and dented it. He tried to hold his grip on the fridge and he left his handprint in the metal.

"What the heck, Rosie?" Emmett yelled.

"You aren't supposed to be able to do that," the blonde named Rosie hissed.

Cliff grabbed his stomach, feeling a wave of indigestion hit him. He had to be dreaming. This couldn't be real. Cliff pinched himself, checking to see if he was dreaming …

**This was a group effort people! Written by the great My-Bella and me too!!!! **


	3. Chapter 3 Misbehaving

**DISCLAIMER:** We don't own them … just Cliff and he's not worth much!

**Misbehaving**

_Cliff grabbed his stomach, feeling a wave of indigestion hit him. He had to be dreaming. This couldn't be real. Cliff pinched himself, checking to see if he was dreaming …_

The one called Emmett put the stove back, trying to make it look a little less dented. Esme and Alice gave him instructions.

Cliff found his eyes trailing after the busty blonde, though. He watched her pass by the gardening section and pick up a pair of branch cutters. Cliff watched, frozen with panic, as the Rose woman approached from behind the brunette girl that was still sitting on the toilet. Rose lifted the cutters, opening them wide.

Cliff was ready to scream for her to stop when a bronze haired boy appeared out of nowhere and scooped the brunette up into his arms. He growled at the blonde. Cliff stuck a finger in his hear and wiggled it around again. Who growls?

"Bella keeps saying she can't wait to be dead," Rose chuckled.

Cliff grabbed his head and shook it. The last thing he needed today was a suicidal girl around all of the sharp objects in this store. What happened to the boring day he'd been looking forward to?

"Not like that Rosalie," the brunette named Bella spat. "I just don't want to be human anymore."

'What?' Cliff screamed in his mind. The girl had to be mental as well as suicidal. This was going to be a really long day.

"I was only kidding around, Edward," Rosalie said. "I thought Bella might enjoy a new haircut. I was only going to give her a little trim."

The boy named Edward lifted Bella bridal style and carried her off toward the lawn tractor section. Cliff watched as the boy set the girl down on her feet. He then sat down on of the deluxe mowers, petting the steering wheel. The Bella girl looked jealous and climbed up into his lap, facing him. The two of them started kissing very passionately, right there on the tractor. Cliff smiled, wondering if his wife would do that with him in their garage later on.

Cliff looked back down at the monitor to see the girl had started unbuttoning her shirt. The boy named Edward pushed her hands away. He unbuttoned the rest of the shirt and took it off. Cliff stood up. He was going to have put a stop to all of this nonsense. He couldn't have a couple of horny teenagers making out in the middle of the home improvement store. He could lose his job and then his wife would never let him hear the end of it.

Cliff was getting ready to walk out the door when he noticed a blonde guy past the tractor area. Cliff hopes the guy won't report the teenagers to management. Suddenly, the blonde guy lunges at the pixie girl called Alice. She starts laughing and running through all of the sample doors as he chases after her. Cliff sits back down in his chair, unsure of what to do. Who does he stop first? He hears Alice call the blonde guy Jasper. Jasper catches a hold of Alice's arm and pulls her to him. The two of them start making out between the doors. Now Cliff had _two_ couples to break up!

Cliff blinked at the monitor, trying to figure out what was going on. It now seemed that everyone in the area where the two couples were was kissing the person standing next to them. The big guy, Emmett, grabs the model, Rosalie, and runs over to the shed displays. They sneak into one of the metal sheds and close the door. Cliff knew who he needed to break up first now.

There were some loud noises coming from the speaker for the shed camera. Cliff leaned into the monitor, only jump away when a person-shaped dent appeared in the side of the shed.

Cliff plopped back into his chair and smiled goofily. He'd finally figured out what was going on. He was dreaming. And since he was dreaming, he was going to enjoy the show. He put up his feet and grabbed another slice of pizza. This was a great dream and a lot more entertaining than the TV shows his wife liked to watch.

Cliff watched as Esme walked through the garden area with two of the floor workers behind her. They were maneuvering full pallets of flowers for the beautiful woman. Cliff heard Esme ask where the rotor-tiller machines were kept.

One of the workers pointed to the shed. Cliff laughed, knowing that was the shed with one of the couples in it. Esme opened the door and her eyes grew wide as she saw the boy, Emmett, and the girl, Rosalie lying on the floor in their underwear.

"Esme!" Rosalie cried.

"Oops," Emmett chuckled.

"Sir! I've never seen these two before in my life," Esme said to the floor worker. She quickly walked away, chuckling to herself.

Emmett got dressed, not bothering to close the door. Rosalie did the same and the two soon walked off in separate directions. Emmett ended up in the tractor section just as the boy, Edward, was redressing his girlfriend. The girl, Bella, didn't seem too happy that they'd stopped making out.

Jasper and Alice had come out of the door display. Alice grabbed Bella and they two of them went off together. Emmett grabbed Edward and Jasper and dragged them over to the power tool section. Cliff chuckled, wishing he had some popcorn for this amazing dream.

"Do you think a diamond drill could get through our skin?" Emmett asked.

Cliff chuckled, knowing a diamond drill would shred this boy's skin.

Edward and Jasper laughed and said, "No."

Cliff thought it was pretty mean of them to trick the big boy like that. He looked a little too easy to fool.

Before Cliff could ponder their strange discussion any further, his attention was drawn to Esme, Alice, and Bella. The three were debating flooring.

Somehow, the boys could hear the conversation, even though they were on the opposite end of the store. Cliff shook his head. Maybe he should really give up mushroom pizza for awhile.

"Jazz, your Alice likes hardwood, huh?" Emmett laughed. "How's that working out for you?"

"Shut up, Emmett!" Jasper yelled.

"Wonder if Carlisle likes Esme's plush carpet," Emmett chuckled.

"They're our parents, you sick freak!" Jasper snarled.

"If you Bella and Berber in the same sentence, I will rip your arms off," Edward threatened Emmett.

Rosalie heard the boys and looked like she was going to go over and fuss them. Cliff couldn't wait. He had really enjoyed her slapping the big boy earlier. But Rosalie got sidetracked when she saw another boy in the store …

**Again, this was written by My-Bella and Hellopants. Lots of love to you all! **


	4. Chapter 4 Innuendos & Confusion

**DISCLAIMER:** We don't own them … just Cliff and he's not worth much!

**Innuendos & Confusion**

_Rosalie heard the boys and looked like she was going to go over and fuss them. Cliff couldn't wait. He had really enjoyed her slapping the big boy earlier. But Rosalie got sidetracked when she saw another boy in the store …_

"Aw! It's little Mikey Newton," Rose said, drawing a finger along the jaw of a blonde headed boy. The boy gulped and Cliff didn't blame him one bit.

"Mike, we need a big, strong man like yourself to help us with a little shopping," Rose continued.

"Who's we?" Mike asked.

"Just Alice and me … And Bella, of course," Rose said with a shrug.

"No problem!" Mike replied enthusiastically.

Rosalie dragged the Mike boy over to where the girls and Esme were standing in the flooring section. Cliff's attention shot over to the boys for a second when he heard snarling. He looked around for an animal, but only saw the Edward boy clenching his fists and breathing hard. Cliff wondered if he was maybe having an epileptic fit.

Cliff turned back to Rosalie in time to see her push the Mike boy into Bella. "So, Mike! What type of carpet do you think would look good in Bella's downstairs? Bushy? Berber? Or maybe some smooth laminate?"

Cliff watched as the Edward boy appeared out of nowhere again, sweeping up the Bella girl, again.

"Come near my fiancée again, Newton, and I'll show you why it's dangerous to play with pliers. You won't ever sit down the same again!" Edward snarled.

Cliff was happy to know there hadn't been an animal in the store, but he was also disturbed by the animalistic tendencies of this boy, Edward. He hoped he was wouldn't hurt the girl, Bella. Edward took Bella into one of the fake kitchen areas. He put her on a counter and lifted up her chin, staring into her eyes. Cliff relaxed. He could tell from the look in Edward's eyes that he would never hurt Bella.

"Are you okay, love?" Edward asked Bella.

She grabbed his head and they started kissing all over again. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he put his arms around her, pulling her even closer. Cliff shifted around in his chair, wondering if his wife would forgive him for the microwave if he kissed her like that on their counter.

The big guy, Emmett, came out of nowhere and took Edward away. Bella was left sitting on the counter, looking shocked by the sudden disappearance of her fiancée.

Cliff followed the boys as they made their way into the lumber yard. Emmett looked down at Edward and started laughing.

"Look at the all wood, Edward," Emmett laughed. "Has Bella ever given you wood?"

Edward grabbed an entire pallet full of wood and threw it at Emmett. As soon as the wood crashed into the big guy, it all turned to splinters. Emmett stood there, crossing his arms and looking frustrated. Cliff started thinking once again about how mushrooms gave him really crazy dreams.

"Watch that temper Edward," Emmett warned. "You wouldn't want Bella to find out about that tent you're pitching in the middle of the store."

Edward stormed off, trying to calm down in more ways than one. Cliff felt a little sorry for the boy. His older brother didn't seem very understanding.

Cliff watched as Emmett snuck over to Rosalie and told her about Edward's 'little problem'. Cliff could only shake his head. Sibling rivalry was often a very nasty thing.

Edward walked past Esme. She tried to get his opinion on some flower seeds. She was holding over a dozen different kinds in her hands. Cliff shook his head, wondering what had prompted him to dream up one of the most dysfunctional families in history.

Alice showed up and helped Esme narrow her choices down to six different kinds. But then the pixie grabbed an entire box for each one. The two of them moved onto the garden ornaments. Esme found a gnome and Alice pretended to gag, calling it tacky. Then Alice grabbed a little pixie on a mushroom and showed it to Esme. Esme shook her head. Cliff laughed, thinking it was pretty funny that the pixie girl picked the pixie ornament. The two women finally agreed on a dark blue mirrored globe and pedestal. Alice then led Esme over to pick out a new garden bench.

Cliff decided he was bored with them and started searching his monitors. He found Edward walking past Jasper. Jasper got a mischievous grin on his face. All of a sudden, Edward walked over to the shower displays, looking very confused. He undressed, but kept his boxers on. Cliff figured this was his brain's way of protecting him from his freaky dream.

Bella was walking past the showers when she turned and spotted Edward. Her eyes grew wide and her face turned a bright red. She started fanning herself as Edward became frustrated, looking even more confused than he had before.

Edward stepped out of the shower and started walking away, still in his boxers. Cliff started laughing, wondering what was wrong with the boy. Edward was headed toward one of the employees, a girl called Jessica. Bella had her head cocked to the side, staring at Edward's butt. When Bella finally came around, she grabbed Edward's pants and started to chase after him, tripping over her feet the whole time. Her face had that same glint of confusion that Edward's had held earlier.

"Edward, can you let me get in your pants? I mean, can you get in my pants? Ugh! Jasper! Stop hitting me with confusion!" Bella screamed.

Cliff wondered what Jasper could possibly have to do with Bella and Edward being confused. Meanwhile, Jessica was looking at Edward as if he was a piece of candy. When he walked up to her, she looked him up and down hungrily.

"Miss, how am I supposed to buy from you if I can't even test what I am buying? I mean, I need to know if this shower will get cold enough to help me calm down after kissing my girlfriend! I have to keep her virtue safe!" Edward said quickly.

Jessica passed out cold, luckily falling backwards onto a swing. Bella finally caught up with Edward and tried to hand him his pants. He refused and started trying to wake Jessica up. That was when Jasper let out a chuckle. Edward was clearly embarrassed by that point. Cliff thought the boy would start blushing any second now, but Edward never did. Bella handed him his pants again and he grabbed them quickly, putting them on impossibly fast. Edward turned to Jasper with a murderous look on his face.

**Yay! My-Bella and myself wrote this funny little story! We hope you enjoy! **


	5. Chapter 5 What a trip!

**DISCLAIMER:** We don't own them … just Cliff and he's not worth much!

**What a trip!**

_Cliff turned to a different screen, afraid that if he didn't, he would be a murder witness. Even if this was just a dream, that was not something he wanted._

The new screen Cliff picked was of the paint and spackle aisle. Esme was standing with Emmett.

"I am warning you right now, Emmett McCartney Cullen. One more hole in any of my walls and you will be doing the spackling from now on, young man," Esme chided.

Emmett looked a little terrified of his mother as he put two gallon-size tubs of spackle on to the fifth pallet containing their items for purchase. Emmett found some painter overalls and masks. He put on one of each and walked over to Bella. He took her wrist and dragged her over to the power tools. He left her at the end-cap and then grabbed a chainsaw. He started it up, revving it loudly. He jumped out and scared Bella, making her scream.

Edward and Rosalie showed up suddenly. They each stood next to their partner. Rosalie grabbed the chainsaw from Emmett and put it back on the shelf. Edward was glaring at Emmett as he stroked Bella's hair and rubbed her back. The girl was obviously crying against his shirt.

Emmett had an apologetic look on his face and seemed to be trying to say he was sorry through his mind.

"You tell Bella that," Edward laughed.

"Sorry, Bella," Emmett said. "I just thought you might enjoy a hint for what movie I want to watch tonight. If it helps, you can take a swipe at me with the chainsaw."

"Are you kidding, Em?" Rosalie asked. "She would trip and end up cutting herself in half!"

Cliff was wondering why Emmett would offer for Bella to use a chainsaw on him. He also wanted to know why they thought Bella would trip and get hurt.

A blonde man walked up to them wearing a suit. He was looking very frustrated. Cliff thought this guy might be the father. Jasper, Alice, and Esme joined the group just as the man cleared his throat.

"Hello, Carlisle," Esme said, taking hold of his arm.

"What are you all doing?" Carlisle demanded. "I walk in the store to see Emmett holding a chainsaw near Bella. Edward looks ready to kill Emmett. Jasper isn't even trying to reign in Alice! Look at all of those pallets!"

"Dad, those are for mom," Alice informed him.

Carlisle's eyes grew wide. "Esme! You know better. You can't just come in here and buy out half the store. We're supposed to be keeping a low profile."

"I'm sorry, dear. Bella and I came to get a new toilet because Emmett blew his up. Alice tracked us down and then showed me the appliances. And then I found the garden center," Esme rambled.

"I've heard enough," Carlisle sighed, waving a hand in defeat. "Just get this place cleaned up as fast as you can. And when I say as fast as you can, I mean move it now, my vampy children!"

Esme cleared her throat.

Carlisle turned and looked at her. "And you, my beautiful, vampy wife, you need to learn to control your shopping. You're supposed to set an example for Alice, not join in her shopping addiction!"

Cliff sat there, puzzling over the word 'vampy'. He knew some of the newer street slang of the teenagers today, but he couldn't recall hearing that one. He knew 'bootylicious' and he'd heard of 'forshizzle', but never 'vampy'.

The strange family, except for Carlisle, began running around the store, cleaning it up at almost invisible speeds. Bella tried to follow Edward for a bit, but soon gave up. Every time she took a single step toward the direction he'd gone in, he was already moving off somewhere else.

Cliff watched as Edward changed direction once again, coming straight for Cliff's office. Cliff started panicking. One of _them _was coming to his office! He had watched them all day and now one of them would be standing in front of him. This was by far one of the oddest dreams he had ever had.

The door to Cliff's office swung open and the one called Edward flew into the room. Edward had the oddest grin on his face, showing his perfectly white teeth.

Cliff sat there in awe, wondering how his mind could have created such crazy characters.

It was as if Edward could read his mind, because the boy told him, "Poor Cliff has no idea what's real anymore."

Cliff tried to talk to the boy, but he blinked and then Edward was gone. Cliff shook his head, slightly worried about his own mental state. How could he have had such a crazy dream? Cliff looked down at the monitors and noticed a little message was blinking across every one of them … No tape! Cliff started to panic. What if this wasn't a dream? And Edward had just stolen the tapes! How would Cliff ever prove what he's seen today? He didn't want to be like those people who claim to have seen a UFO!

Cliff looked down at the pizza box open on his desk, glaring at the mushrooms. He realized he had no idea where the pizza came from or what kind of mushrooms those really were. Cliff decided right then and there that his entire day had just been one big drug trip and that none of it was really real.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Two hours later:**

"I love home movies," Esme sighed, leaning against Carlisle.

"Alice, hurry up with the popcorn!" Edward yelled. "Bella's hungry."

"No, I'm not," Bella protested, but her stomach growled, giving her away.

Everyone laughed and Bella blushed a deep red.

Alice flew into the living room, putting a bowl of popcorn in Bella's lap. Alice moved and sat down with Jasper on the loveseat.

"You can all thank me for us not being discovered!" Alice said smugly. "I sent the security guard a mushroom pizza. Now, he thinks it was all a drug trip!"

"And thanks to Edward for grabbing the tapes," Emmett added, holding out a fist for Edward.

Edward leaned over Bella and smacked his fist to his brother's.

"All in all, I'd say it was a productive day," Jasper chuckled.

"I still don't know why we were there in the first place," Rosalie stated.

"Why don't you ask the mad scientist there?" Edward chuckled, pointing at Emmett.

"I guess it works better when it's not your toilet," Emmett laughed.

**That is sadly the end of our little tale. Which of course was written by My-Bella and Hellopants. All good things must come to an end.**


End file.
